Am I the mom I promised I would be?

Well, today I learned what blogging is all about. I was "blog stalking" as my sister-in-law would say...(we use the word "stalker" in a very loose way in our family...it is an inside joke!) Anyway, I came across a blog of a young woman, a mother, who was in a plane crash with her husband. Her sister has been keeping up on the blog for her while she is in the hospital. I really won't dis-credit the story by trying to tell it myself, if you would like to read about it, her link is blog.cjanerun.com. There have been a few blogs that I have come across that have changed the way I feel about life in general, and this one was no exception!
This blog reminded me how much I love being a mom!! It has been almost a year since my little miracle was born, and I say miracle, because to us, that is exactly what he is.
David and I were among the 20% of couples between 20 and 30 to experience "fertility issues." Leave it to me to be among the minority in a situation like that!
After 1 year of "conventional" trying...you know... go off birth control, and hope for the best...I got a little concerned. I went to my doctor, who really had no cause to worry, but wanted to run some tests to be sure. He had mentioned that 1 year is plenty of time to concieve a child, and that there could be something wrong with one of us. Test after test came back inconclusive and we were back to square one!
We decided to start out with basic fertility treatments, clomid, a drug very commonly perscribed for infertility. After doing 3 cycles of clomid, the tests were ran again, and we found out that I lacked a very important hormone needed to sustain and carry a pregnancy to term. We decided to go on progesterone shot treatments, along with other "fertility enhancements."
After 9 months of treatments, and disapointment after disapointment, I began to question why something that was so natural, was beginning to feel like a science experiment.
At that point, I remember just dropping to my knees and begging Heavenly Father to help me understand. I promised him that if he would just give me a baby, I would be the mom that really deserved that baby.
I know that he was listening, becuase after what would have been my last treatment, pregnant or not, we were pregnant. I remember spending alot of time just scared to death that something was going to go wrong...just waiting for another disapointment. The first 8 weeks were spent mostly on the couch!
After reading other mothers blogs, I can't help but wonder...am I the mom that I promised him that I would be? Do I do all I can do to deserve my little Aiden?
Tonight as I put him to bed, I just sat and stared at him for a while. I remembered how much I wanted to be a mom, and how much I knew I would love him. I was wrong. I had no idea how much I would love him.
Now that he is here, and healthy, I find myself facing the daily struggles of being a mom. Sundays are usually my biggest struggle. I used to ask myself why I bothered going to church if I was just going to spend the whole time wandering the halls with a cranky, sleep-deprived baby. I very rarely hear the speakers. One of my very favorite people mentioned to me that she had that same thought while raising her twin boys. One sunday while she was wrestling her boys, an elderly woman from the ward told her that it was still important for her to attend church because her boys knew that she knew it was important for them to be at church on sundays. Even if she spent most of the time in the hall, they knew that it was important to her for them to be at church. I have cherished that story. That always reminds me of my promise. I know that even though I may not be sitting in the meeting, that my son knows that I think it is important for him to be at church.
I am so glad for the examples of the great mothers around me. I know Rindee probably gets tired of my endless calls for advice! I figure that if I pattern my life after the people that inspire me the most, even women I don't know...my promise will be alot easier to keep.